Life as an amputee chapter I

"I'll miss you honey" he said, holding my hand.I smiled "I'll miss you too..But, you know..it's just for a few days..Are you sure you can take care of yourself?""yes, I can!" he answered.I kissed him goodbye, then started to run to not to miss the plane.

When I sat in my seat I felt so bad.Even though just for a week I was going to be away from my husband.I hated that business trip.I put my earphone and opened my iPod..Muse was playing.In that pute voice I felt asleep.

When I tried to open my eyes I realised that I couldn't do it very well.There was a nurse next to me .She sadi" doctor, she opened her eyes" looking at me.I heard doctor's voice "Put some medicine then.She should beter be asleep until the operation ends.

I thought " what operation?" just for a moment, Then I felt asleep again.

When I completely opened my eyes I felt so heavy.I was probably high because of medicine and I couldn't feel a thing in my whole body.There was a oxygen mask in my mouth, All I Could I feel was my face.When nurses saw that I opened my eyes they came close to me

"can you breathe?"

"I tried to nod my head but I couldn't.there was a neck collar.I OK it with my eyes and then they put the mask out.It was hard to breathe.

"What happened?" I tried to ask, But my mouth was so dry that I realised that I won't be able to say it.I tried to say " water" instead.At first they couldnt get it, then One of them said " I think she wants water" They looked at each other. "Can she drink it*" one asked."She lies,she can not swallow it.." " Should we use a baby bottle?" "she can swallow it, give me a pipe" she said, then started to make drink with a pipe.After a drunk and swallowed it all I felt much more better. " What happened to me?" I asked with a very low voice.I knew there was an accident in the plane but I didn't care about it.all I wanted to hear was my condition.I tried not to think the worst scenarios such as "paralysis" Nurses looked at each other again, couldn't say a thing.

Then doctor came in, I knew his face, So I was in my village after all."Doctor, what happened to me?" asked, trying to hold myself to not to cry " I cannot feel my body at all"

"Calm down honey" he said. "You had a plane accident.Don't you remember anything?" " No" I answered. "I was sleeping." "Alright" he said. "here's the condition honey.." he said "Am I paralysed?" I started to cry. "sshh! You dont feel anything because of the morphine..You're not paralysed." "Then why did you use this much medicine on me?" I asked. " we had to.you can not bear that much pain.Honey, Your body is badly crushed in the accident.really badly.So we had  to amputate some limbs." Amputate?" "yes..Your legs were badly crushed, There was no choice .." "Legs..My legs..I..I won't be able to walk.."My eyes were filled with tears again. "operation was succesful.You won't die.."We amputated them alittle bit high,there are no stumps.So, Probably you won't be able to walk.. "

I sobbed.There was nothing I could do.I had lost my legs.

"Can I continue?" he asked.But he didn't waited for an answer and continued.

"One of your arms was crushed too.At first we though that there was no need to amputate it.But injuries..Well We had to amputate it it too.And your right arm was burned.So we amputated it too.I'm sorry honey..But you know, life goes on.."

"What did I do?" I thought.To receive that punishment I must have done really terrible things..But I knew I didn't ..I couldn't feel a thing,not in my body, not in my mind.Flow of thoughts stopped in my mind..

"I want to see my body" I said.They stopped for a moment.Then " If you want it so much.." doctor said.

One of the nurses Put of my neck collar.Other one lifted the blanked on me.They Put a huge mirror at the end of my bed.I closed my eyes,took a deep breathe then looked at my crushed body.

There was no limbs.No legs, No arms.I looked like a bug.And there was a cast on my body.

"what is cast for?" I asked.

"They transfered you here, And dostors in the accident place thought that some of ribs are broken.But they are OK, We are gonna take it off soon."

"How many days passed since the accident?" I asked.I was very calm.Just like talking about another person's accident and another person's life.

"It had been 2 weeks I think." He said." You know, I 'm little bir busy, I'll come back, OK?" doctor said, and left the room.

"We should take the cath off" Blonde nurse said, then came next to me.I looked at the mirror again.there was a little pipe in my pussy I think.Nurse took of my pants – I was so embarassed and took off the cath. " Ouch!" I said, It hurt.It was then I started to feel my body.

" We put a cath in you, because of the cast it was hard to put you in diapers.When They put off the casts, It will be better" she said, smiling.Put my pants back and put on the banket again.Removed the mirror.

I wanted to sleep But I couldn't.I tried to realise the situation.I was an amputee. And I had to live with that.I had some money, but not much.If I could back to my mother's house I would be just trouble for her.And staying in my house with my husband was out of option.I didn't want to ruin his life.

"Can I come in?" When I heard his voice I felt so bad.A few moments later he was inside.He closed the door and walked next to me.His eyes looked terrible, His face was..Iwas was like he aged 10 years in 2 weeks.

"How are you feeling ?" he asked.

"I'm fine" I lied.

He kissed me in the cheek and whisperek "everything is going to be alright.."

I smiled with the tears in my eyes. "I hope so.." I thought..